Our Generation has been given the nickname “the anxious generation” and although it lacks meaning for some, it is very true for me. I grew up a perfectionist. Everything had to be right, but not only right, it had to be perfect. My academics had a huge hold on me. I needed to get an A on everything or I would feel like a failure. The more and more assignments that piled up, the more and more stressed I grew. In return, my anxiety feared the worst in every situation, and I was constantly on edge of being a failure. This anxiety and stress slowly crept into everything I do. I would either work too hard and make the task my every waking moment, or I would freeze and procrastinate with the fear that if I begin, I will fail. This cycle repeated again and again leading to points where I was so low and felt so alone in this fear that I failed to accomplish basic necessities like eating, sleeping or leaving the house.
I ignorantly thought, Student Teaching and Teaching would be different. I had a purpose and was in charge. I had no tests to study for or big assignments to turn in and yet my stress persisted. My anxiety levels spiked. I overworked myself back into the cycle and spiraled out of control.
I knew for my first year out I would need support and encouragement. I knew I would need a community. The Pittsburgh Fellows program provided that. I could not imagine living alone in an apartment as a first year teacher. I have roommates that have become friends. I have mentors that have the same career as me and have faced similar challenges. There are speakers who build my confidence in myself and my career. There are events that allow me to enjoy pieces of Pittsburgh that I never would have considered while alone in my cycle. Most importantly, I have a community that helps build my faith. Being surrounded by godly people helped show me I can depend on Him in all of my trials. I was afraid coming into the program that I would need to be a perfect Christian and put on a show because that’s what everyone expected. The program showed me there was community even in my imperfections and there was love even through my failures.
-Marina McCutcheon, Class of 2025
Fellow at Watermark Academy
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